A TOAST TO ST. VALENTINE

Here's to Valentine's Day
And the man who inspired it:
St. Valentine.

I find it ironic
That a holiday for lovers
So full of hearts and flowers
Was named for a martyr
Or two or three
Depending on the histories you read

But indulge me
In a little history of my favorite inspiration.
Setting: ancient Rome.
Time: the year of our Lord 270 or thereabouts.
Saint Valentine led a secret life.

A rebel, he went against the strict edict and belief of Emperor Claudius II:
"Single soldiers make better soldiers than married soldiers
Because they had less to lose on the homefront."
Claudius the Cruel cancelled all marriages and engagements.
I guess sexually-frustrated men make for better fighters
But I digress.

Valentine dared to marry soldiers on the sly
And when Claudius the Cruel found out Valentine's indiscretion,
He decreed
''It's stoning, beating, and beheading for thee.''

So, on the 14th of February,
Saint Valentine, he,
Still spreading the word of love for all to see,
Left a note for the daughter of the prison guard,
''Love from your Valentine''
Before he went off to die.

So, everyone raise your glass. RAISE YOUR GLASS!
Here's to taking Cupid's arrow and shoving it up his goddamned ass.

(2-17-2005)
(rev. 2-8-2006)
(rev. 3-11-2007)
A Toast to St. Valentine

Here's to Valentine's Day
And the man who inspired it:
St. Valentine.

I find it ironic
That a holiday for lovers
So full of hearts and flowers
Was named for a martyr
Or two or three
Depending on the histories you read

But indulge me
In a little history of my favorite inspiration.
Setting: ancient Rome.
Time: the year of our Lord 270 or thereabouts.
Saint Valentine led a secret life.

A rebel, he went against the strict edict and belief of Emperor Claudius II:
"Single soldiers make better soldiers than married soldiers
Because they had less to lose on the homefront."
Claudius the Cruel cancelled all marriages and engagements.
I guess sexually-frustrated men make for better fighters
But I digress.

Valentine dared to marry soldiers on the sly
And when Claudius the Cruel found out Valentine's indiscretion,
He decreed
''It's stoning, beating, and beheading for thee.''

So, on the 14th of February,
Saint Valentine, he,
Still spreading the word of love for all to see,
Left a note for the daughter of the prison guard,
''Love from your Valentine''
Before he went off to die.

So, everyone raise your glass. RAISE YOUR GLASS!
Here's to taking Cupid's arrow and shoving it up his goddamned ass.

(2-17-2005)
(rev. 1 - 2-8-2006)
(rev. 2 - 11-2007)
(rev. 3 - 12-5-2008)