MARY MAGDALENE AT SANTA MONICA BEACH

“When we wore a heart of stone,
We wandered to the see,
Hoping to find some comfort there,
Yearning to be free.”

I dreamed about you again last night.
We talked.
We loved.
And then I woke up.
Feelings lingered like waves lapping on the shore in the outgoing tide.
I can’t let go of my reality just yet in the twilight of pre-dawn.

An ephemeral but touchable reality.
You must have met me halfway in my dreams last night.
Afterall, you once said that I was your soulmate, and you were mine.
And you were right.
And maybe we’re still connected,
The bond frayed at times but never severed.
Because no sooner did you cross my mind,
Than I find you again and again and again…
But I never took the opportunity to renew the tie
Or at least say I’m sorry for how things ended.
Now it’s too late; the tide has washed out.

Fast-forward to today.
In California on Thanksgiving,
Eating Chinese lunch, reading my fortune cookie.
It says, “Flowers of true friendship never fade.”
But what about flowers of true love, I wonder?
Like the roses you bought me.
I still have one pressed in my favorite book, Darkened with time and exposure,
But a little of the timeless red still shows through.

After lunch, I drive aimlessly,
Somehow winding up on Santa Monica Beach,
Standing at the water’s edge.
A feeling washes over me,
Drawing me home with the tide like I belong here,
“Because I’m drawn to the rhythm, drawn to the rhythm of the sea.”

Something draws me here anyway.
My heart’s been empty during that time.
The tide of your love swept out to sea,
Leaving me high and dry with regret
And longing for the swell of love that washed away.
I think of the sins of my past
But being here brings me a little peace, a little closure.
Ic an confess these things to you, if only in spirit.

My heart bared, I dig my toes into the sand.
I feel salty ocean water wash them clean
Like Mary Magdalene’s tears.
They wash away the sings of my past.
I start to think I can start over.
Finally.

“When we wore a heart of stone,
We wandered to the sea,
Hoping to find some comfort there,
Yearning to feel free.”

(7-21-2003)
(rev. 11-21-2008)