FINGERNAILS

All my life, I suffered through
The worries of fitting in with "the crowd."
Cheerleaders small-town old money blueblood family offspring and other assorted beautiful people thrown in the mix.
I wanted to be one of
"The Beautiful People"
"The Beautiful People"
And I wanted to be beautiful.
But the Cheerleaders small-town old money blueblood family offspring and other assorted beautiful people thrown in the mix.
Said I wasn't beautiful,
And my fingernails were too short.

Their fingernails scarred and scratched me, But several years of fruitless searching,
Several years of fruitless cultivating the perfect manicure
Left me with one realization:

If God meant for me to have long fingernails,
Fake fingernails wouldn't keep falling off,
And my real nails wouldn't keep chipping under the pressures of reality.

Painting pictures on nails.
Sticking simulated stones on nails.
French-manicured and polished,
French-manicured and fake.
Women grow them and nurture them, shape and buff them
Like they were shaping their own image to fit a pre-shaped mold,
A preconceived notoion of what a woman should be,
About what "beautiful" is.
They fit themselves into something they're not,
And if they still dont' like the way they look,
Then fuck it!
And just slap on a set of acrylics.

Well, you know what?
Fuck you!
I'm tired of long, pretty red fingernails.
Cutting my fingernails reminds me of burning bras.
I get rid of them, snip them off,
And boy, do I feel liberated!

I don't have to worry about
Breaking a nail typing on the keyboard of my computer at work
Or daintily putting my hands in the dishwater
Like I was softening my hands in a bowl of Madge's Palmolive dishsoap,
Afraid to chip my prized, quarter-inch pinkie nail on the crusted tofu lasagna sticking to my dirty dinner plate.

Why do we have to fit into a mold,
A preconceived notion of what a woman should be?
Pretty hair
Pretty nails
Pretty face
Perfect hair
Perfect nails
Perfect face.

Why do we have to be pretty?
Why do we have to be perfect?
Why can't we keep our nails short?
Why can't we just be...women?

(8-16-2002)